I don’t know why, or where to even start this. Just another poor me, whoa’s me post. This wont be happy or pretty, and I bet no one cares. I know I don’t anymore. Just nothing left to care about anymore.
My supposed wife who is supposed to love me, least she used to anyways, now only hurts me. Anything I tell her she uses against me. If I mention some of the horrible stuff my mom did, she throws it in my face then says well you said your mom did it, said it, what not. Ok to make it understandable, one night I mentioned something my mom had done that was bad. She later used the same words my mom used to use while doing the stuff, throwing them at me, triggering me and sending me into a flashback and left me feeling like shit. She proceeded when I asked why she would do that, said well YOU said your mother did it.
So lately she throws stuff around when she’s pissed, or she drops stuff like pots and pans and other things while screaming, also knowing this makes me jump 50 feet out of my skin and knowing I hate it. Her favorite word to scream out is cock sucker. causing me flashbacks and stuff seams to make no difference to her, last time she did this few days ago. She brought up the subject of eating our cats, always finds it funny to say she wants to make slippers out of them and or eat their ears and stuff. She knows this something I hate, since when I was young and my mom used to tell me horror stories of people eating animals, and we had to watch our pets like hawks. Yeah may seam stupid, but hell it bothers me, that’s all that should matter to her. Well anyways when I asked her not to and flipped out about it, all she had to say was I’m sick of all the things I can’t do. The I’m sick of all the things I can’t do went on for a good 10 minutes.
If I’m so damaged she can’t do anything, and hates it so bad why is she still here? Hell, I think she gets off on this crap, putting me down, and isolating me from people, she refuses to make friends or anything, her excuse is, I’m not a people person. So even if I could make friends I can’t have them here, and if I want them she says go do it on your own, you don’t need me, she wont meet anyone, or go to anyone’s house if I try to make friends where we live. So it’s me alone or staying here with the only friends I have are on the net. Not that I don’t like my internet friends, but it would be nice to have people I could hang out with face to face, not over a computer screen.
Guess I should be grateful she no longer throws stuff at me directly, but still stinks she does this other stuff, maybe she will start throwing things at me again, then I would get off my ass and walk away. I want to, specially after what happened in january which was not the first time just the worst. The fact that I love you hasn’t left her moth in over a week, but that’s nothing I guess, I must not be lovable. Maybe if she stopped putting me down. I don’t know where I’m going with this post, guess I just need to get some of this out, one day when I can save some money up maybe I’ll leave if I have anywhere to go, as it stands now I have no where to go. maybe she will finally hit me, then at least there’d be a real reason for me to boo hoo and I might get some help or leave. Why is it always my fault? I never do anything right, and am always told so, it’s always if I only did this or that, or if I did first, always comes back to me and what I didn’t, can’t, or wont do, or don’t do first, or right. Anyways guess nothing much left to say till the next time which should only be tomorrow.
