Lines In The Sand
There are lines drawn in the sand,
lines we laid down once but no longer speak of,
the lines we both know aren’t crossable.
These lines, these precious lines that keep us safe.
I want to cross these lines, to go further,
to go as far as can be with them.
These lines scare me, I scare me
I want so much, yet I want so little all at once,
what is it that makes me feel this way, I see your face,
I see your smile, I feel so much when your near.
I feel so sad, so scared, so mad,
it is not just that I want more,
it is scared of wanting more, not because it is you,
not because your married, I would never cross that line in the sand.
I am scared because I know I shouldn’t want this, it is not safe,
you are safe, but it is not, love is not safe, life is not safe.
Trying to do more and feel more, and all i end up with, is feeling worse,
that safe feeling your suposed to have when you know the person you love, or once loved won’t hurt you.
It’s been ripped out from under me, I want you, I won’t have you, I need you, I need to push you away.
This was never to have happened, I was not to feel like this, your words,
the things you say, the way you get me, you listen, your my best friend,
I am so afraid of letting you any closer, yet I can’t let you go.
These lines in the sand,
these precious lines, the safe lines, the lines we know we won’t cross,
they feel so weak, so crazy, so silly to be scared of.
why is it i am wanting more but so scared of it, why is it i think anyone that gets this close will hurt me?
I do not know why, it is not you, but me who wants now run screaming, so scared, so stupid, so crazy.
no one before has gotten me like you do, i have not laughed and yet cryed with or over anyone else all in the moment.
I have people that know me well, they get me, they get my needs my wants, my fears, but they are not you,
they are not people that I worry about, they are special and know me as well I know me most days.
My Syr, My Ma’am, people I have no secrets from, people who will never want more.
You may never want more, so why am I so scared of you, yet wanting you more with each day.
are you safe to want, to need, to feel this way about? am I just crazy?
I am your Best Mate, your Bestie, your BFF.
so why should feeling this good, feel this bad, this sad, this mading?
why should I be so scared of you crossing those lines in the sand?
why did it take someone as special as you? why am I scared of my own best friend? what is it that makes me want more, yet knowing I will never have it, make me want to run screaming from you?
is it the feeling’s I am scared of? is that I am afraid of anyone that may come along? that I still feel like people that look at me still want bad things, or even that I caused the last person to hurt me, so I don’t deserve any of this?
Those lines in the sand, like the ocean is blue, so easily washed away, so easy to vanish.
These lines we have set, the ones we won’t cross, the ones that scare me so bad.
I don’t deserve you, I don’t know how you fell in my lap, I don’t know how to keep you.
Maybe all of this is because you might leave like the others, never come back.
am I just sad and not ready to feel this good with someone?
these questions you can’t anwser, these lines just drawn in the sand.